Friday, October 19, 2007

Bashing a woman

I almost feel guilty about the way I am going to tear into this girl's writing because unlike most feminists, she seems to be a nice person. So I guess this time it isn't personal, its just business.

Since feminism began, there have been opponents. Sometimes, those opponents have been women who don't want to upset the balance for fear of retribution, for fear of losing their social position, for fear of not attracting a husband, whatever. Mostly, though, the opponents of feminism are and have been men. Not all men, of course, oppose the ideals of feminism. But most of the opponents of feminism are men.

Good intro.

I have talked a lot in previous posts about how socialization is responsible for gender roles,

oh-no. ... Here we go...

and how that socialization has particularly affected women. However, masculine socialization is just as powerfully directive as feminine socialization. Masculine socialization is not inherently oppressive, the way feminine socialization is, but it is, nevertheless, a powerful force that moulds boys into men who play out patriarchal hierarchies in society. Boys are taught from an early age to act like men, which involves primarily not acting like women. Masculinity is tied to sexuality - both sex, and heterosexuality, in particular. Failure to act in masculine ways de-sexes a man, makes him appear not fully a man. So what does masculinity look like?
First, masculinity is the embodiment of such characteristics as success, independence, aggressiveness, physical strength, emotional strength, and dominance.

More or less. I don't know if those values are exclusively seen as masculine any more though.

Second, masculinity is the manifestation of these characteristics through social relationships with other men (relatinoships with women are primarily sexual).


Third, masculinity is defined by what it is not: not feminine, not homosexual, not being dependent, not being emotional, not being submissive, not being compliant, not being effeminate, not failing in sexual relationships with women, not failing to not have sexual relationships with men, not failing to have social relationships with men.

Good, if somewhat obvious, points

Also, all masculinities are not created equal: the definitive masculinity is that of white, middle class, able-bodied, heterosexual men. Men who fall outside this narrow category are less masculine - or sometimes are demonized into hypersexual beings, as has happened with black men since the time of slavery.

Yeah, this is true.

Through this definition, men learn to be sexist, heterosexist/homophobic (the term homophobic denotes a "fear" of homosexuals, and the truth is that heterosexual men are taught not just to fear homosexuals, but to hate them in the same way whites are taught to fear and hate blacks and other ethnic groups), and racist. Masculinity is tied to all these forms of hating others.
Sexism: First, men are taught to hate women, to see women as being for a specific purpose: caring for men and providing men with sex and children. Men are taught that it is "natural" for men and women to be and act a certain way and that those ways are "naturally" consucive to certain types of roles, jobs, etc. Men are taught to view women as objects, property.

In Afghanistan maybe, not in America. In the West men are taught to worship women who are constantly hyped as being soooo great.

Since masculinity teaches men not to be like women, any slip from that set of guidelines into feminine behaviour makes a man less masculine, and vulnerable to attack by stronger men who may usurp them and their property, including their woman. So, for fear of this happening, men try to adhere to a flight from femininity as much as possible, and they learn to hate women for embodying the characteristics that they fear.

Pathetic attempt at psychoanalysis. Baloney all.

Women represent home, emotion, familial responsibility, dependence on others - the opposite of fun. Men gain masculinity points by putting down women and what they represent… or making a show of that masculine trait, aggressiveness, toward women.

Aggressiveness towards women is condemned in our culture, atleast officially. Pop culture, especially TV, often features weak/stupid men being dominated by independent womyn.

Heterosexism/Homophobia: Second, men are taught to only have sex with women, not with men.

Most men don't need to be taught that

This is what women are for, and it undermines one's masculinity to not participate in a heterosexual sexual relationship.


Having sex with men is what women do, not men, and so homosexuality is closer to feminine sexuality than to masculine sexuality. On the flip side of this, men are expected to have primarily, if not exclusively, homosocial relationships - that is, social relationships with members of their own gender. Men who are too friendly with women but are not having sex with those women are suspected of being too much like women in other characteristics. Men are constantly evaluating one another's masculine performances, playing off one another's masculinity. The fear is that they will not measure up, and will be revealed as a fraud. And so, men learn to fear other men, fear being unmasculine, fear being perceived as feminine. And feminine men are deemed homosexual.

Except for the last line, that paragraph was bullshit

Racism: Finally, men are taught to fear and hate men of other ethnic backgrounds. I won't got into a long list of examples here; it will suffice to say that white men are taught to find ways in which men of different ethnicities are not masculine enough, and in the effort to gain a piece of the masculinity pie, men of different ethnic backgrounds respond by doing the same thing to all other ethnicities combined with acting in a masculine a way as possible.

Bleh... I don't even care

Masculinity is primarily about power. Feminists have identified this for centuries, that men are preoccupied with power, that men have the most social and economic and political power, that men exert that power over women. However, most men do not feel powerful! The huge pressures of masculinity prevent men from feeling powerful, and instead make men feel powerless.

Most men are and have historically been politically and economically powerless. In the past though they did have power over women. I will give the writer that much.

Men are raised to believe they are entitled to power,

Again, maybe in Afghanistan. In America they are raised to believe women are great and should run everything and that they should be manginas.

but do not feel they have it. They are pressed on all sides by masculinity, sexism, racism, heterosexism/homophobia. They have to live up to these standards, and do not feel free to simply be who they (may) want to be.


No wonder men do not respond well to feminism! First, feminism identifies men as having the balance of power in society, and most men do not feel they have that power. Second, feminism argues for a redistribution of that power, and men want to hang onto whatever power they feel they do have. And when women do make strides that allow them to break away from oppressive gender roles, men are threatened.

Last line is true for at least some men.

So, how can men learn to feel less threatened by feminism? By recognizing that masculinity, like femininity, is socially constructed, and can be socially deconstructed in the same ways that women have been and are deconstructing femininity.

Feminist have flopped at deconstructing feminity because it is not a social construct. Neither is masculinity. Well, there are certainly social elements to it but it is biologically based.

By recognizing that being a man does not necessarily mean being sexist, racist, homophobic.

::roll eyes::

Is this realistic? I don't know. Many men do not want to give up the power they have, however small it may be.

We already have. Now it is your turn to give up the power you have over us.

But, I ask you this: does it have to be a zero-sum equation? Does more power for women necessarily mean less power for men?

Theoretically, no. But in practice that is what has happened, to say the least.

Can it be seen as a positive, as sharing rather than dominance? More power for women will mean that things will change - but couldn't it just be true that those changes will be good for everyone?

Sure, as was the case between 1920 when women got the vote and the 1960's when feminism took off.

I think it can. I think that as more women gain power and independence, they will enter the workforce throughout the world, economies will start to grow, and countries will be pulled out of poverty. Less children will be born, and they will be better cared for, so infant mortality rates will fall, child starvation rates will fall, and education opportunities will rise, which will lead to greater economic prosperity. Health care will be more accessible, and fewer people will die from preventable/treatable illnesses like malaria, tuberculosis, and HIV/AIDS. Empowerment for women is definitely a good thing for men.

This isn't feminism, it's common sense. Everybody wants to see all of those things happen.

How can men support feminism?
Stop objectifying women.

Yeah, that might happen. Women should take some responsibility and stop objectifying themselves, although men will always objectify them. If you see that as oppressive, too bad, because it won't ever stop.

Stop seeing women as things over which you have power. Stop seeing women as things over which you have ownership.

No men do.

Stop seeing women as having a specific purpose in relation to you. Stop seeing women as being perpetually sexually available.

No men do.

Stop viewing pornography.

Good luck with that one.

Stop raping women. Stop abusing women. Stop making excuses for any objectification of women.

Okay, I promise I will stop raping and abusing women, effective immediately.


Start seeing women as equals.


Give women the same respect and consideration you might give a man.

Most men do.

Assume that women have goals and dreams and desires exclusive of men, children, and families.

Most men do.

Start recognizing your own social, economic, and political power, and the lack of power held by women in relation to men. Recognize that women are oppressed, and that men are, by elimination, their oppressors.

Reverse the genders and you have what Masculinist want from women.

Recognize that while it may not be your fault, you participate in that oppression inherently, whether you want to or not, by subscribing to masculinity.


Support women's goals, dreams, and desires. Recognize that women will need special protections and assistance in order to pull out of oppression, and support such initiatives. Equality is not the same as equity. Women will need such measures as affirmative action to get a foothold. Don't complain about it. Support it.


Stop being threatened by women, and by homosexual men (if you are heterosexual). Their existence doesn't detract from yours. So what if someone confuses you for a homosexual man? Who cares? It isn't important, it doesn't mean you are not a man. It doesn't mean you will never get laid again. It doesn't mean anything.


Support gay and lesbian rights. Stop demonizing homosexuals as sexual deviants, monsters, ungodly. Just stop it.

What does this have to do with sexism?

If you are heterosexual, encourage your girlfriend/wife to continue her female friendships. Isolating a woman within a romantic relationships and trying to control her movements outside that relationship is very bad. Women need solidarity, we need to organize together, we need to support one another.

I don't think women need to be encouraged to have female friends anymore than men need to be encouraged to have male friends but I guess there is nothing objectionable about this idea. I think it is sort of patronizing towards women, but hey, not my problem.

Don't make your female partner feel as though she should be threatened by other women for your attention/affection. Make sure she feels secure in your relationship.

Uhm, okay.

Support your female partner by sharing equally household tasks and childrearing tasks. Relegating women to the private sphere of home restricts her ability to reach her goals and dreams.

I agree with this provided she is working full time. If she doesn't work she should take care of the housework. If its the man that doesn't work he should take care of the housework. If both parties work than they should split the homemaking duties.

That's all I can think of. I hope this look into masculinity has been somewhat enlightening.

Well I disagree with most of what you said, but I applaud your straight forwardness and positive approach. Feminists like you are no fun.


lucia vega said...

i agree with most of what she says otis, but i think she becomes wrong later on when she starts telling men what to do. 'Stop this' 'stop that'. Its not upto her.

She generalised all men to be the same, which isn't true is it??

i don't know what it is to be a man, i can imagine and i can think and speculate but its not possible for me. I have tried to understand but failed. I do know what it is to be a loser, but also I do know that some men seem honest about things and others are liars.

i do think that there is a place for men to help feminism along its way.. there is no need for men and women to be at war with each other. What we need to do is help each other out. But to do that we have to learn to apreciate each other.

i think she needs someone to tell her where to stop, and you need someone to help you feel less isolated by women and a feminine world.

i am scared that women might lose someone like you because you are surrounded by other MRA's who do not care about us.

Male Rights Network said...

"Women need solidarity, we need to organize together, we need to support one another."

Of course you do. Feminism would not exist without it.

As the 1970 book said, Sisterhood Is Powerful. It is the basis, before anything else, for the Feminist Revolution for the betrayal of men and for nailing men as a collective social group to the cross.